Four Lessons from a Horse (repost)
Another repost (this one from last year) that I thought I would share again, because I like the lessons of horsemanship translating to collaboration.
I’m sitting at the barn, watching my daughter ride her horse Bronze. It’s pretty amazing to think about the skills she and her horse are using as they move through their different exercises. Walk to trot, trot to canter, canter to trot, stop, back up, back to trot. Flying lead changes, patterns, jumps. And every signal from rider to horse comes through subtle changes in feet, legs, hips, shoulders, hands, and head.
As I watch, I start really seeing, and then connecting what I’m seeing to the world of collaboration.
Align your body with your intent
Horses are incredibly sensitive to small signals from the rider on their back or handler on the ground. Simply changing the angle of the upper body is part of the signal a horse interprets to change leads. It’s also part of the signal for change in direction, so the context where the signal is delivered is critical.
When we work in groups, we too send signals with our bodies, and our tone, and our actions. We need to be aware that we do communicate in a non-verbal way, so that we can be as intentional with our signals as possible. We want the signals we send to support our intentions and our motivations. If you want to confuse a horse, send one signal with your legs and a different one with the reins. When collaborating, the people we work with will be very aware of differences between what we say and how we behave.
The language takes time to learn
For horses and riders, the bond and the ability to ‘read’ one another takes years to fully develop (if it can ever be said to be fully developed). Some experienced riders can move to more advanced behaviour on a new horse, only because they have experience with the language. But, the relationship between horse and rider that allows for a deep level of subtle communication still takes time
Collaboration is a language as well, and it’s usually specific to the group and to the topic. It develops over time as the group comes together and builds their own group culture. I know a group culture is emerging when you start to hear inside jokes or catch-phrases, or when there is some willingness to present a perspective other than your own.
Our emotions transfer
If you want to upset your horse, be upset yourself. I’ve now seen many examples when a rider works themselves into a nervous, anxious state just before going into the show ring, and the horse follows suit. Before being exposed to the world of showing horses, I did not comprehend the degree of mental focus a rider needs to be able to perform. A rider’s focus and emotional state is mirrored by the horse.
In a collaborative setting, it’s not quite as marked as between horse and rider, but our emotional state does affect the others in the group. We “pick up” on the sense that something is going on. I recall one multi-stakeholder session, where I heard some quiet discussion about how “Mary didn’t seem herself today”. It turns out, one of Mary’s close work colleagues was dealing with a health crisis.
While one solution might be for us all to become Vulcans and suppress our emotions, it might be more practical to be aware that our individual emotions will affect the group and that sometimes it’s ok for the group’s focus to be in support of one of its members instead of its overall goal.
Stumbles happen
On one of the hundred or so circuits of the arena, Bronze stumbles over her feet but then quickly regains her footing and keeps going. In one tighter circle, my daughter loses her stirrup, and keeps going with only her right foot in a stirrup. Sometimes the communication between horse and ride is lost or missed. The key is to carry on.
In collaboration, the same thing applies. While we acknowledge when the stumbles happen, we don’t let them define us or the collaboration. In this way, they simply become a step on the path instead of a result in themselves. And in continuing on, we teach ourselves and the group that the missteps are part of growing as a group.
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It seems there are many parallels between good horsemanship and good collaboration. It’s complex and challenging, with no guaranteed reward. But when it does all come together, it is a thing of beauty.
Happy Collaborating!
Scott Millar, through Collaboration Dynamics, often works as a "peacemaker" by gathering people with different experiences and values and helping them navigate beyond their differences to tackle complex problems together. As the host of the Cool Collaborations podcast where he explores fun stories and insights of successful collaboration with guests from around the world, and then dives into what made them work. Cool Collaborations is currently available on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, and Spotify.
