Values at the Heart of Collaboration
Like so many aspects of collaboration, the things that matter most are the ones that we have to build in ourselves first and then demonstrate with a group through our words, behaviour, and actions. I put knowing our values among those aspects at the top of the list.
Values?
In Dare to Lead, Brené Brown defines values as “a way of being or believing that we hold most important.” I like this definition, but I have often found myself describing our values by adding to Dr. Brown’s definition with “it’s how we show up or want to show up in the world”. In a sense, the added bit shifts us from thinking about a list of important things we have in our head to how we behave, what we decide, and how we act.
Everybody has a set of values. We only have one set, but when we set out to discover the right words to describe our values, I find it helpful to contemplate our values in the context of different aspects of our life. Consider what is personally important in your home life, then your professional life, then your spiritual life, and perhaps your recreational life, and so on. We might put together a list of terms that resonate in each of those contexts, before thinking about how the different lists might be similar. This approach is one way to subdivide our thinking to make it a bit easier to describe our values.
Most times when people ask us to figure out our values, they ask us to look at a list of words like patient or altruistic or family, and then pick those that resonate with you. I’ve used that approach myself. But don’t feel that is the only way. Some of the best examples of values I’ve seen are phrases that resonate. Zappos, the online shoe company, has created a list of 10 Core Values with their number 1 value as “Deliver WOW through service”. With just four words, Zappos gives a real sense of what the company means with this value, and also a sense of how its employees will fulfill its value.
Earlier, I mentioned that values are how we show up in the world, which means there is behaviour that goes with our values. It turns out, few people or organizations will actually describe the behaviours they expect to see alongside their values. Zappos is one of the exceptions. For each Zappos value, they give their employees questions to test whether they are in line with the organization’s values, and then they actually list some sample behaviour of the values in action. For Deliver WOW through service, for instance, the sample behaviour is ‘Helps even when it “isn’t their job”’
We should all take this step when we seek to describe our own values. It holds us to account and gives us something to strive to achieve, especially if we make values known to others. Maybe we share only with those closest to us, like our spouse or friends. But, in a team context, sharing of values and behaviours can be a model that builds trust and understanding.
Values in Collaboration
In collaboration, values are a big part of what drives our behaviour. If something is happening that is not in line with our values, we get uncomfortable and our emotions begin to be our primary response. Some might shut down and refuse to participate, while others might get angry or upset. The emotional triggers are signs of a value-based disagreement.
Collaboration is a group effort, which means that each person brings their own set of values into the discussion, and then they may or not behave in alignment with their values. To add a layer of complexity, each person’s personality will affect how they act and react to the interplay with others in the collaboration. To add still more complexity, people shift their reactions depending on the circumstances of the instant. Hunger, anxiety, energy, and many other conditions affect how people respond.
It would be nice if people came with a list of their values and their descriptions to hand out to everyone else, instead it’s a puzzle to discover what people value from their words and behaviour. The good news is that we can help that process along for our own understanding and the understanding of others.
Those benign seeming icebreakers or ‘get-to-know-you’ questions that facilitators use to increase our familiarity with those we are working with also serve as a way to discover values. Ask someone about their best vacation and they’ll tell us all kinds of things that describe things they value. We just have to listen.
Of course, we don’t need to wait for others to ask, we can ask for ourselves. Open ended questions give people an opportunity to explain things, and good follow-up questions will help add depth. Sometimes the direct approach works best. We can simply ask people what they value or what’s important to them in a particular context. Or we might reflect back to a person what we think they might value, based on what we’ve heard them say or do. When couched as a soft statement, like “It seems like …”, it gives the other person an opportunity to correct us. They’ll likely tell us exactly what they value.
So now that we have a sense of what others in your collaborative group value … so what?
If we remember that the purpose of collaboration is to bring together a group of people to solve a problem or address an issue, the need to understand values becomes a bit clearer. Our solution only becomes a solution when we have respected the values of everyone involved. In fact, the better we align with everyone’s values, the more satisfying the outcome.
Final Words
Two last thoughts. First, understanding someone else’s values does not mean we have to agree with their values. Part of what gives collaboration its strength and that different people value different things, and that people work to find an outcome that draws on those differences.
Second. Living our values is hard work and working to understand the values of others is harder still. We will get it wrong sometimes, maybe more times than we get it right. Others will muck it up too. If we can adopt a mindset that simply allows us to accept that we and they are trying to connect and trying to understand, then owning a muck up and letting one pass without reaction is much easier.
If you have thoughts or stories to share on discovering and understanding values, please leave a comment.
Happy Collaborating!
Scott Millar often works as a "peacemaker" by gathering people with different experiences and values and helping them navigate beyond their differences to tackle complex problems together. Through Collaboration Dynamics, he offers a program in High Performance Collaboration, where he guides groups to explore the nature of collaboration, inclusivity, and innovation, and acquire new abilities to create the conditions that enable groups to contribute and thrive in challenging environments.
